I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
