omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
is wine microwaveable?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
