Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
