yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
