Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
