Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
