I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
