Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She bit a glass in half.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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