she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
