Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just forgot I was standing up.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
