I queefed so loud it echoed.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
