We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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