you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
