I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
