I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
