This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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