Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
