i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Gay?
German.
Pity.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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