Got a toothbrush?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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