we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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