im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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