She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
