i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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