Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
