My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
