I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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