At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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