hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
