Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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