If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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