i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
