ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
