Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
