I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
So here I am, sexting at work.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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