I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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