its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
