I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
