you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
