we made out on top of his cat.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
