It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
