Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
