you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
