i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
