my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
