i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
