i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
