batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Randomize
