I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
