u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
