Cold hands, warm shart.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
