Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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