Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
this boner is exhausting
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
