I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
