me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
