Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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