We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
